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The Nuts and Bolts of Using a Gestational Carrier

February 26, 2008 - Tuesday
12:26 PM to (EST)
Guest Speakers: Melissa Brisman, Esq.

Categories
Gestational Carrier • Insurance • Third Party Reproduction


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[Tue Feb 26 16:59:21 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi everyone. Welcome to tonight's chat. We are very fortunate to have Melissa B. Brisman, Esq., here with us tonight. Ms. Brisman is a well known expert in the field of third party reproduction and I see that she is here already! Welcome.
[Tue Feb 26 16:59:39 PST 2008] mbrismanHI Corey
[Tue Feb 26 16:59:56 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanI'm Corey Whelan, The AFA's Director of Development and your chat moderator this evening. I see that we have some early birds on hand - please feel free to post your questions!
[Tue Feb 26 17:00:02 PST 2008] mbrismanThanks for having me. I am happy to answer any questions
[Tue Feb 26 17:00:12 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi Ms. Brisman. Thanks so VERY MUCH for being here with us tonight.
[Tue Feb 26 17:01:01 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi HB and sjc. Please feel free to ask your questions of Melissa Brisman.
[Tue Feb 26 17:01:16 PST 2008] mbrismanTo start my office finds gestational carriers and organizes the arrangement. We do the legal work and coordinate all the screenings as well. Does anyone have any questions on the process
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[Tue Feb 26 17:01:49 PST 2008] HBDo things differ greatly by state?
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[Tue Feb 26 17:02:42 PST 2008] mbrismanHB Finding a carrier who resides and delivers in a friendly state is crucial to a successful Gestational Carrier arrangement. Things do vary by state so it is ijmportant that your lawyer know the laws of the diff states
[Tue Feb 26 17:03:35 PST 2008] HBWhich states are most friendly (to the parents, not the GC)
[Tue Feb 26 17:03:41 PST 2008] sjc9798What happend if you find a carrier that is a match for IP's and the GS doesn't match the some of the requirements of the clinics you work with
[Tue Feb 26 17:03:50 PST 2008] mbrismanHB
[Tue Feb 26 17:03:54 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHB first, then sjc, please.
[Tue Feb 26 17:04:19 PST 2008] mbrismanit depends on the arrangement for example TX is a good state but not for gays or unmarried couples. I would need more facts
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[Tue Feb 26 17:05:10 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC if you are matched with a carrier that cannot work at the clinic you are going to our office would need to find you a new carrier-is that what you are asking
[Tue Feb 26 17:05:48 PST 2008] mbrismaneach clinic will have diff. requirements and it is important that the carrier you use meets your clinics requirements
[Tue Feb 26 17:06:36 PST 2008] jweather joined.
[Tue Feb 26 17:06:40 PST 2008] sjc9798yes,
[Tue Feb 26 17:07:02 PST 2008] HBI live in Florida and have heard that it is a friendly state - but what does that mean exactly? If I use a GC will I still need to adopt my own child at birth? What specificly makes a state friendly or unfriendly?
[Tue Feb 26 17:07:04 PST 2008] frances1I have frozen embryos. I have a great carrier who is young, had one child, healthy, etc. However, insurance is an issue. She has Medicaid. I assume I should look for insurance for her as Medicaid would not be an option...
[Tue Feb 26 17:07:06 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi frances and jweather. Please feel free to jump in at any time and ask your questions of Melissa Brisman.
[Tue Feb 26 17:08:31 PST 2008] sjc9798Do you find many ips will shy away from a match due to the carrier not having insurance.
[Tue Feb 26 17:08:47 PST 2008] mbrismanHB where you live does not matter it is the law where the GC lives and delivers that governs the arrangement. Depending on whether you are married, using an egg or sperm donor, and where you GC lives will govern whether or not you can obtain a pre-birth order. This is something that our office would help you with if we were finding you a GC. If you want a more indepth info pkt you can request one on the website reproductivelawyer.com or call the office 201-505-0078 to get one
[Tue Feb 26 17:09:20 PST 2008] HBThank you, I will do that
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[Tue Feb 26 17:10:02 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi, mdarnovsky. Please feel free to ask a question at any time. Welcome to the chat!
[Tue Feb 26 17:10:30 PST 2008] mbrismanFrances 1-If your carrier has medicaid I would recommend buying her insurance on the open market that covers pregnancy and is not based on state aid . If you are compensating her she may not qualify for medicaid anymore and you dont want to take the risk they will find out. This is something your attorneys office could help with. You can look on the website under under insurance if you want more information or request it via our website as well
[Tue Feb 26 17:11:12 PST 2008] mbrismansjc I do find many ips want the carrier to have insurance. sometimes you can buy your carrier good health insurance on the free market as well if she does not have insurance
[Tue Feb 26 17:12:00 PST 2008] mbrismanFrances1 also you need to make sure any insurance you purchase does not exclude gc or surrogate pregnancies
[Tue Feb 26 17:12:01 PST 2008] frances1What do you mean by "open market"?
[Tue Feb 26 17:12:31 PST 2008] mbrismanFrances 1 that means by going to private insurance companies such as bcbs
[Tue Feb 26 17:12:46 PST 2008] mbrismanHave I missed any questions if so please re-type them
[Tue Feb 26 17:12:56 PST 2008] sjc9798Are there clinics that are easier to work with than others
[Tue Feb 26 17:13:24 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC each clinic has different protocols. Some are more formal, less formal, stricter, conservative etc.
[Tue Feb 26 17:13:56 PST 2008] HBSo does it matter more where the GC lives or where she gives birth? (I've heard horror stories of a GC going to an unfriendly state at the last minute, giving birth there and then demanding another $30,000 before turning over the baby.)
[Tue Feb 26 17:13:59 PST 2008] frances1I contacted BCBS as that is the insurance I have. It's odd my BCBS insurance would cover me if I was a surrogate but I cannot get a policy thru them for her to cover a surrogate...
[Tue Feb 26 17:14:18 PST 2008] mbrismanI wanted to point out that many of these topics are covered more in dept on our website reproductivelawyer.com or can be obatined via email at info@reproductivelawyer.com or at the afa's website as well in case anything is not covered in depth here
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[Tue Feb 26 17:15:35 PST 2008] mbrismanHB if the GC accidently gives birth in the wrong state that is usually not an ideal situation but a lot of times you can enforce a court order from one state in the other state if the factual situation is truly accidental. I have done that on about 5 or 6 occasions
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[Tue Feb 26 17:15:46 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi yawilson. Welcome. We are chatting with Melissa Brisman on gestational carriers, please feel free to ask any questions on any legal issues concerning third party repro.
[Tue Feb 26 17:15:53 PST 2008] mbrismanWelcome to the new joiners. PLease post any questions
[Tue Feb 26 17:16:01 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi cheeboo, welcome to tonight's chat.
[Tue Feb 26 17:16:10 PST 2008] mbrismanFrances 1 does your carrier live in the same state as you
[Tue Feb 26 17:16:26 PST 2008] frances1Yes
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[Tue Feb 26 17:17:07 PST 2008] mbrismanthen unless you obatined your policy through an employment situation you should be able to contact an insurance agent in your state and buy her the policy
[Tue Feb 26 17:18:10 PST 2008] frances1Also, I didn't think that I would have to worry about Medicaid if I buy her a separate policy when it comes to her being excluded from Medicaid because of our "paying" her, as we are only reimbursing her for travel, clothing, etc.
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[Tue Feb 26 17:19:02 PST 2008] yawilson4267Thank you
[Tue Feb 26 17:19:17 PST 2008] mbrismanFrances1 if you buy her a separate policy and dont use Medicaid then you dont have to worry about Medicaid that is correct. If you have a lot of specific questions about your case you can feel free to call the office at 201-505-0078 and I could help you further.
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[Tue Feb 26 17:19:56 PST 2008] frances1My policy is thru my employment...so I go to an insurance agency for her and then when I tell them it is for a GC won't they refuse
[Tue Feb 26 17:20:33 PST 2008] NLA1979Can I ask about PBOs in CT? How do you get one in place?
[Tue Feb 26 17:20:33 PST 2008] mbrismanFrances they shouldnt
[Tue Feb 26 17:21:02 PST 2008] mbrismanNLA PBO in CT are pretty straight forward. CT is a very friendly state and they are done through the courts at about 4 months of pregnancy
[Tue Feb 26 17:21:13 PST 2008] frances1Thank you.
[Tue Feb 26 17:21:49 PST 2008] mbrismanFor all the newcomers we are talking about GC arrangements. My office finds several hundred a year around the country for clients through the US and internationally. Feel free to ask away.
[Tue Feb 26 17:22:31 PST 2008] HBDo you work with clients and GC's in every state?Or just GC's in some states?
[Tue Feb 26 17:23:03 PST 2008] mbrismanHB we have clients in all the states and about 20 foreign countries. THE GC's only come from the friendly states.
[Tue Feb 26 17:23:13 PST 2008] sjc9798Do you make exception to the age of the gc if they are a repeat carrier
[Tue Feb 26 17:23:55 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC the age of the carrier depends on what age your clinic will accept. The law office does not make that determination so it woudl be up to your clinic if they will take an older more experienced GC
[Tue Feb 26 17:24:14 PST 2008] NLA1979If you pursue an independent match, does your office offer legal help?
[Tue Feb 26 17:24:50 PST 2008] HBIs Florida a friendly state? (I'm married, no donors) (I'd ideally like to see the pregnancy progess & it would be easier to do that if he GC were in the same state as I am)
[Tue Feb 26 17:25:10 PST 2008] mbrismanNLA we do help a lot of independent matches. We can do all the legal work. We can also organize the screening, perform background checks and home studies on the GC if wanted and gather her medical records and an application on her. So yes we can do as much or as little as the client wants
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[Tue Feb 26 17:25:49 PST 2008] mbrismanHB for married couples Florida is an excellent state as long as the gc lives and delivers in FL. The fact that you live in FL does not matter.
[Tue Feb 26 17:26:02 PST 2008] mbrismanHi babygus0 please feel free to post any questions
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[Tue Feb 26 17:26:27 PST 2008] mbrismanHello JT05 please post any questions you have
[Tue Feb 26 17:27:04 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanwelcome everyone. We are here chatting with Melissa Brisman, Esq. on gestational carriers, but Ms. Brisman works with all aspects of third party reproduction. Please feel free to post your questions, at any time.
[Tue Feb 26 17:27:15 PST 2008] JT05 I'm not seeing the Qs already asked.....??
[Tue Feb 26 17:27:35 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanJT05, if you go to the action button you will see the chat thus far.
[Tue Feb 26 17:27:35 PST 2008] frances1I obviously would prefer not to be in this situation at all, as I would love to carry my own baby so this is difficult. I don't have any fear with the carrier, it's this insurance thing. I want to do the right thing.
[Tue Feb 26 17:27:52 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanIn addition, the transcript will be up within two days to review.
[Tue Feb 26 17:28:04 PST 2008] JT05OK thx!
[Tue Feb 26 17:28:05 PST 2008] mbrismanFrances I am not sure if you have further questions on insurance but for further information feel free to contact me via info@reproductivelawyer.com, www.reproductivelawyer.com, 201-505-0078 ext 412
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[Tue Feb 26 17:28:13 PST 2008] HBFlorida is excellent meaning what exactly? That the court stuff is completed quickly? That I don't need to adopt the child? (Sorry I know this is a basic question, but I'm jsut at the start of this process)
[Tue Feb 26 17:28:45 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHB, that is a great question, please don't apologize!!!!
[Tue Feb 26 17:28:59 PST 2008] HBI feel pretty clueless! lol
[Tue Feb 26 17:29:07 PST 2008] mbrismanHB in Florida by state law you will not have to adopt if you follow the law-your lawyer will know how to do this in your contract-the court stuff can be done quickly
[Tue Feb 26 17:29:22 PST 2008] mbrismanhb have I answered your question
[Tue Feb 26 17:29:44 PST 2008] HBAnd I have no idea how Frances got past the fear about the GC - I'm terrified that she will do meth while carrying my baby! (or drink or smoke - things I'd never know about)
[Tue Feb 26 17:29:58 PST 2008] HByes, thank you
[Tue Feb 26 17:30:25 PST 2008] mbrismanHB I have been doing this for over a decade and I have not seen any GC's intentionally harm a child. None of the GC's we have found have ever tried to keep the baby.
[Tue Feb 26 17:30:59 PST 2008] HBIs there any recourse if any of that happens? Do GC's have to pass drug tests periodically or you withold $? (I'm scared to death & having nightmares about this whole thing, can you tell?)
[Tue Feb 26 17:31:08 PST 2008] NLA1979Melissa--can your office represent the surrogate too, or only the intended parents?
[Tue Feb 26 17:31:21 PST 2008] as526 joined.
[Tue Feb 26 17:31:47 PST 2008] mbrismanHB you can have you GC drug tested if you want to. You would put it in your contract. most clinics will also drug test the GC. There is recourse if this happens but I have never had this situation come up
[Tue Feb 26 17:31:54 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi as526. Welcome. We are chatting with Melissa Brisman on gestational carriers.
[Tue Feb 26 17:32:07 PST 2008] mbrismanNLA we usually represent the IPs but we also represent some gc's who contact us for representation
[Tue Feb 26 17:32:08 PST 2008] as526thanks corey
[Tue Feb 26 17:32:22 PST 2008] mbrismanHave I missed any question
[Tue Feb 26 17:32:32 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanI think you are caught up, Melissa.
[Tue Feb 26 17:32:50 PST 2008] NLA1979If you are representing the IPs, who would typically represent the surrogate? Do you recommend someone?
[Tue Feb 26 17:32:52 PST 2008] mbrismanthanks
[Tue Feb 26 17:32:56 PST 2008] HBthank you
[Tue Feb 26 17:33:04 PST 2008] as526melissa - i wanted to find out from you if surrogacy gets qualified under adoption
[Tue Feb 26 17:33:14 PST 2008] mbrismanNLA we typically give the carrier a list of experienced attorneys in her area
[Tue Feb 26 17:33:27 PST 2008] mbrismanas526 I dont understand your question
[Tue Feb 26 17:33:33 PST 2008] as526my employer reimburses for adoption expsenses and i wanted to claim that if possible
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:02 PST 2008] NLA1979Great. Thanks for your expertise! I think its great that you participated in this chat! ::up
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:13 PST 2008] Eden joined.
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:17 PST 2008] mbrismanas526 you need to review your employers adoption plan-typically big companies have a legal document descrbing the plan-i usually read through them to see if your gc arrangement would qualify
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:21 PST 2008] mbrismanwelcome Eden
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:24 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanNLA, that's great! Welcome Eden.
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:41 PST 2008] EdenThanks, good to be here
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:43 PST 2008] mbrismanNLA I am glad you are finding it helpful
[Tue Feb 26 17:34:56 PST 2008] sjc9798is the money that the carrier receives considered income
[Tue Feb 26 17:35:06 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC income for what purpose
[Tue Feb 26 17:35:32 PST 2008] frances1HB, I know the carrier so in that respect it makes it a little easier.
[Tue Feb 26 17:35:47 PST 2008] frances1I should say a lot.
[Tue Feb 26 17:35:59 PST 2008] sjc9798if it is a fee she is charging over the medical, clothing etc...
[Tue Feb 26 17:36:21 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC I am unsure of the questions
[Tue Feb 26 17:36:45 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC if you mean income for tax purposes that is a gray area of the law and the opinions on this differ from accountant to accountant
[Tue Feb 26 17:36:45 PST 2008] JT05how does one go about finding s GC ? How long does it usually take?
[Tue Feb 26 17:37:29 PST 2008] HBfrances - oic - I only have the choice of a stranger so I'm pretty nervous about the whole idea of trusting a total stranger with my child. And I've heard so many horror stores...
[Tue Feb 26 17:37:36 PST 2008] sjc9798Yes, that is what I meant I have read on some web sites that a carrier needs to fill out a w9 in MA and receives a 1099 at the end of the year
[Tue Feb 26 17:38:39 PST 2008] mbrismanJTO5 there are many ways to find a gc. through an agency or a law office. Our office finds several hundred a year. It can take anywhere from no time at all to several months depending on your criteria. for an info pkt on this you can email us at info@reproductivelawyer.com or request via phone 201-505-0078 or the web www.reproductivelawyer.com, does this help
[Tue Feb 26 17:39:03 PST 2008] denise1965 joined.
[Tue Feb 26 17:39:08 PST 2008] mbrismansjc most places do not send the carrier a 1099 and that is not a MAss law. I am licensed in Mass. and have many cases there
[Tue Feb 26 17:39:26 PST 2008] mbrismanwelcome Denise
[Tue Feb 26 17:39:27 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi denise, how are you? we are chatting with Melissa Brisman, Esq., on gestational carriers.
[Tue Feb 26 17:39:35 PST 2008] mbrismanCorey have I missed any questions-I am losing track
[Tue Feb 26 17:39:58 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanplease don't worry - I will let you know if you miss a question.
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:08 PST 2008] denise1965Hello!! I'm OK Thank you !!! How are you?
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:11 PST 2008] mbrismanthanks Corey
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:19 PST 2008] mbrismanDenise do you have any questions
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:27 PST 2008] sjc9798In your office to do you find many that want to be gc's and you have to tell them they don't fit the criteria
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:33 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanFolks, we have 20 minutes left. While you are all free to stay in the chat room as long as you wish, Ms. Brisman will only be here only 9 p.m.
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:45 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC we reject 80 percent of the carriers that apply
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:53 PST 2008] denise1965Approximately how long does it take a first time ED to be screened?
[Tue Feb 26 17:40:55 PST 2008] NLA1979Why so many?
[Tue Feb 26 17:41:18 PST 2008] mbrismanDenise that depends on your clinic. ED screening is done mostly at the clinic level usually 6-8 weeks
[Tue Feb 26 17:41:31 PST 2008] mbrismanNLA it takes a very special person to be a carrier
[Tue Feb 26 17:41:51 PST 2008] jweatherHow does it typically work in the contract if the pregnancy is failed/lost/aborted? Does it usually allow for them to try multiple times if wanted?
[Tue Feb 26 17:41:59 PST 2008] mbrismanfirst they have to have good pregnancies, no post partum depression, no psyche meds, given birth before, cant smoke etc
[Tue Feb 26 17:42:05 PST 2008] JT05Thanks - i'll get a package. Pre-eclampsia at week 24 and having tested negative for clotting factors, makes us consider GC for a sibling......
[Tue Feb 26 17:42:27 PST 2008] mbrismanjweather typically carriers agree to try 2-4 transfers, is that what you are asking
[Tue Feb 26 17:42:32 PST 2008] JT05and id didn't know how long it would take to find one. in NY, do you know the general cost of a GC?
[Tue Feb 26 17:42:32 PST 2008] babygus0Hi Melissa~ I was wondering if it was it is possible to get a PBO in NC for either a GC or TC?
[Tue Feb 26 17:42:36 PST 2008] sjc9798and over the time do find surrogacy to be more popular or are people going more towards being childless and going for adoption because of the scary stories that are in the press
[Tue Feb 26 17:42:59 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanfirst JT05, then babygus, then sjc, please
[Tue Feb 26 17:43:14 PST 2008] mbrismanJT05 if you click on our website under intended parents then estimated expense sheet you will find a whole break down of the costs,
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[Tue Feb 26 17:43:26 PST 2008] jweatheryes, that is what I meant. While the medical expenses and everything would obviously go up as well, is the fee typically the same 1, 2, 3 tries, with or without final success?
[Tue Feb 26 17:43:35 PST 2008] mbrismanhi babygus0 is your carrier going to give birth in NC
[Tue Feb 26 17:43:43 PST 2008] babygus0yes
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[Tue Feb 26 17:44:26 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi tanya, welcome.
[Tue Feb 26 17:44:43 PST 2008] denise1965What is the maximum age accepted for a GS?
[Tue Feb 26 17:44:49 PST 2008] mbrismanSJC our practice has expanded every year to having several hundred babies a year so I think it is becoming more popular, most of the horror stories do not involved people who went through the proper screening with the carrier and had professionals involved
[Tue Feb 26 17:45:38 PST 2008] mbrismanjweather the fee is the same except most carrier get a $500 fee for each embryo transfer they undergo, these fees are listed on our website so you can get an idea of what most carriers are looking for
[Tue Feb 26 17:45:46 PST 2008] KathrynLA joined.
[Tue Feb 26 17:46:13 PST 2008] mbrismanyou can get a pbo in NC usually with a GC, I doubt you could do it with a ts, most states do not allow ts for compensation
[Tue Feb 26 17:46:22 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanHi Kathryn, welcome. We have about 15 minutes left, so please don't wait to post your questions for Melissa Brisman, Esq.
[Tue Feb 26 17:46:24 PST 2008] jweatheris it typically 2-5 eggs per shot?
[Tue Feb 26 17:46:29 PST 2008] mbrismanDenise that depends on the clinic but most wont accept gc's over 45
[Tue Feb 26 17:46:43 PST 2008] JT05Many many thanks - I'll check out the website and let others ask Qs. grin
[Tue Feb 26 17:46:50 PST 2008] mbrismanjweather can you give more details of what you are asking
[Tue Feb 26 17:47:04 PST 2008] JT05GL everyone!::smile
[Tue Feb 26 17:47:15 PST 2008] mbrismanjt05 i would be happy to answer more if you email me at info@reproductivelawyer.co,
[Tue Feb 26 17:47:34 PST 2008] denise1965Thanks for your time!!
[Tue Feb 26 17:47:35 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanGood luck to you too JT!!!!!!
[Tue Feb 26 17:47:38 PST 2008] JT05will do - I appreciate the answers
[Tue Feb 26 17:47:50 PST 2008] mbrismanJT05 good luck
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[Tue Feb 26 17:48:40 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanjweather, can you clarify your question?
[Tue Feb 26 17:48:41 PST 2008] jweatheri mean so 2 eggs, +1000, per implant, 4eggs, +2000, or is per implant, however many total, $500.
[Tue Feb 26 17:48:42 PST 2008] mbrismanjweather what do you mean by eggs, typically most clinics transfer embryos into the gc's uterus, not more than 2 if it is a young egg donor, can be up to 5 if the egg donor is over 40
[Tue Feb 26 17:48:56 PST 2008] babygus0I know if the carrier is married then her husband is automatically the father. Would it be possible to put the intended father on the BC and do a step-parent adoption vs a full adoption?
[Tue Feb 26 17:49:00 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanok j, we got it!
[Tue Feb 26 17:49:12 PST 2008] KathrynLAI just got here so maybe this was discussed, but do you feel it is foolish to find your own GC - that is not a friend or relative - and not go through an agency?
[Tue Feb 26 17:49:18 PST 2008] mbrismanjweather the fee to the gc is based on the embryo transfer not the number of embryos transferred to her womb but the event itself
[Tue Feb 26 17:49:22 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanjweather first, then babygus, please, then Kathryn.
[Tue Feb 26 17:49:35 PST 2008] jweatherok, i understand:)
[Tue Feb 26 17:49:38 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanKathryn, that question is not foolish and it has not been asked as of yet.
[Tue Feb 26 17:49:56 PST 2008] mbrismanbabygus0 are asking can you do an adoption instead of a prebirth order to try and qualify under your co's adoption planm
[Tue Feb 26 17:51:15 PST 2008] mbrismankathrynla my office is not an agency and we find gcs. you can find a gc on your own just be sure you make sure no step is missed. for instance if you came to my office i would make sure i did all the same things with your gc as if my office found her that includes criminal and driving checks, interviews, homestudy on gc home, medical record review, application etc;
[Tue Feb 26 17:51:22 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanguys, we have less than ten minutes left, please make sure that you get what you need!!!
[Tue Feb 26 17:51:22 PST 2008] denise1965How common is it for IP's to need to purchase health insurance for their carrier?
[Tue Feb 26 17:51:37 PST 2008] babygus0More like would it be possible for the carriers husband to terminate rights so that the IF would go on the BC and then do a step-parent adoption (which is easier and cheaper- or so I've heard) rather than doing a regular adoption. Does that make sense?
[Tue Feb 26 17:52:00 PST 2008] mbrismanDenise about half of our clients purchase health insurance for their carrier and we help with that process; www.reproductivelawyer.com; 201-505-0078
[Tue Feb 26 17:52:12 PST 2008] KathrynLACan I ask what the difference in fee is if I bring my own GC vs. you find one for us?
[Tue Feb 26 17:52:36 PST 2008] mbrismanbabygus0 yes but most of the time we get a pre-birth order with both parents on the birth certicate so neither has to adopt
[Tue Feb 26 17:53:04 PST 2008] jweatherHave you heard of any successes of 45year old eggs being successful in Surrrogate?
[Tue Feb 26 17:53:24 PST 2008] KathrynLAI heard that if your GC doesn't have insurance that covers a surrogate's pregnancy that your only option is New Life. Is that true?
[Tue Feb 26 17:53:50 PST 2008] mbrismankathrynla you can save up to $8,000 this way depending on what services you purchase. i would be happy to email you more detailed information info@reproductivelawyer and I can send you a complete cost sheet
[Tue Feb 26 17:54:18 PST 2008] mbrismanjweather I have heard that is possible but you should ask your doctor for more information on the changes
[Tue Feb 26 17:54:53 PST 2008] mbrismankathrynla that is not true but some agencies dont help you with insurance and just send people without insurance to New Life especially if they dont have lawyers on staff
[Tue Feb 26 17:54:55 PST 2008] babygus0So basically if we went with a GC then we could get a PBO, but if we would happen to go the TC route we would both need to adopt?
[Tue Feb 26 17:55:22 PST 2008] KathrynLAThank you. Please send me your fees. My email is: KathrynLA@aol.com
[Tue Feb 26 17:55:33 PST 2008] mbrismanif you go the tc route usually you can get the genetic dad on the birth certificate and do a step parent adoption which is easier and a little cheaper
[Tue Feb 26 17:55:53 PST 2008] babygus0Thank you very much!
[Tue Feb 26 17:56:04 PST 2008] mbrismanbabygus0 your welcome and good luck
[Tue Feb 26 17:56:20 PST 2008] KathrynLAI'm sorry, I don't understand, having lawyers on staff allows you to use some insurance that you couldn't if there were no lawyers on staff?
[Tue Feb 26 17:57:13 PST 2008] mbrismankathrynla agencies are not usually qualified to give legal opinions on insurance so if there is lawyer helping you out they can usually present other options besides new life, does this make sense
[Tue Feb 26 17:57:56 PST 2008] denise1965Thank You Good luck & Good night!!!
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:00 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanGuys, I want to thank you all so much for being here tonight. And thanks especially to Melissa Brisman for being here and answering all of our questions!
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:10 PST 2008] mbrismangood luck everyone and feel free to contact me if you have more questions
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:11 PST 2008] KathrynLAYes, that makes sense. Thank you.
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:20 PST 2008] HBthank you Melissa
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:24 PST 2008] NLA1979Thank you!
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:30 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanGuys, can I ask that we do a state roll call as we're logging off? I'm in Brooklyn, NY.
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:39 PST 2008] HBFlorida
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:44 PST 2008] sjc9798thank you MASS
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:44 PST 2008] NLA1979Connecticut
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:48 PST 2008] mbrismanwww.reproductivelawyer.com, info@reproductivelawyer.com, 201-505-0078 ext 415
[Tue Feb 26 17:58:52 PST 2008] denise1965Coventry, RI
[Tue Feb 26 17:59:00 PST 2008] KathrynLAFL
[Tue Feb 26 17:59:16 PST 2008] yawilson4267Good night ladies and best of luck too us all
[Tue Feb 26 17:59:16 PST 2008] babygus0NC
[Tue Feb 26 17:59:24 PST 2008] HBMass & CT have IVF coverage, right? (sigh)
[Tue Feb 26 17:59:31 PST 2008] HBgood luck to all
[Tue Feb 26 17:59:35 PST 2008] mbrismanhb yes they have state mandates
[Tue Feb 26 17:59:48 PST 2008] babygus0 left.
[Tue Feb 26 18:00:02 PST 2008] yawilson4267yawilson VA
[Tue Feb 26 18:00:09 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanYou're all the best. You know I wish you all - your fondest dream come true. Please join us next week for a chat on meditation and mindfullness. Good night all.
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[Tue Feb 26 18:00:12 PST 2008] Corey_Whelanxo
[Tue Feb 26 18:00:15 PST 2008] HBanyone staying to chat or is everyone rushing off to watch the debate tonite?
[Tue Feb 26 18:00:32 PST 2008] Corey_WhelanYou guys can stay as long as you want but I have to say goodnight.
[Tue Feb 26 18:00:36 PST 2008] Corey_Whelansweet dreams all.
[Tue Feb 26 18:00:37 PST 2008] denise1965No debate for me!!! lol
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[Tue Feb 26 18:01:13 PST 2008] mbrismanGood night everyone. Good luck.
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[Tue Feb 26 18:03:05 PST 2008] HBAnyone staying?
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[Tue Feb 26 18:03:36 PST 2008] denise1965I could stay for a bit
[Tue Feb 26 18:03:58 PST 2008] HBwhere are you in all this? (I'm very much at the beginning)
[Tue Feb 26 18:04:32 PST 2008] denise1965I am a GS with one failed transfer....waiting for next transfer
[Tue Feb 26 18:04:40 PST 2008] HBOf surrogacy as an option that is, not new to infertility/IVF
[Tue Feb 26 18:04:46 PST 2008] denise1965Can I help you with anything?
[Tue Feb 26 18:04:57 PST 2008] HBoic, I jsut assumed you were an IP
[Tue Feb 26 18:05:07 PST 2008] KathrynLA left.
[Tue Feb 26 18:05:26 PST 2008] HBno, not really, just wanted to talk with someone in the same situation maybe
[Tue Feb 26 18:05:38 PST 2008] HBI's pretty terrifying being on this end
[Tue Feb 26 18:05:40 PST 2008] HBfor me anyway
[Tue Feb 26 18:06:28 PST 2008] denise1965I can only imagine....just speaking in terms of how devastated I was when our transfer failed
[Tue Feb 26 18:07:13 PST 2008] HBI'm just scared that a GC will be doing this for the wrong reasons maybe
[Tue Feb 26 18:07:27 PST 2008] HBand harm the baby - and of course I've heard so many horror stories.
[Tue Feb 26 18:07:33 PST 2008] denise1965much less all the other worries that come with being an IP and the terrible heartache you have already been through by the time you travel the surro road
[Tue Feb 26 18:08:04 PST 2008] HBA GC who changed her mind and tried to abort twins for example. One died, the other survived but is severely mentally retarded.
[Tue Feb 26 18:08:26 PST 2008] denise1965Oh my.....YOUR GC?????
[Tue Feb 26 18:08:37 PST 2008] HBIt's just scary trusting a complete stranger, because some are great I'm sure but others, who knows
[Tue Feb 26 18:08:42 PST 2008] HBno no. not me
[Tue Feb 26 18:08:50 PST 2008] HBI've never done this before
[Tue Feb 26 18:09:02 PST 2008] HBI have a friend who is an IVF nurse who knows this couple personally
[Tue Feb 26 18:09:11 PST 2008] HBand advised me never to do it based on this
[Tue Feb 26 18:09:19 PST 2008] HB(Scared her half to death too)
[Tue Feb 26 18:09:52 PST 2008] denise1965That is why you need a very reputable agency, a trust in your instinct and review many profiles and then really get to know the GC you are considering
[Tue Feb 26 18:10:05 PST 2008] HBBut i'm getting out of options. Nothing is sticking in me IVF after IVF and they just don't know why. And I'm sick of beating my head against hte same wall.
[Tue Feb 26 18:10:42 PST 2008] HBAnd I know it's time to do something different soon because what we're doing just isn't working
[Tue Feb 26 18:11:23 PST 2008] denise1965Like I said after only 1 failed transfer I can only imagine......my IP's are awesome and I am totally commited and determined to help them have a baby
[Tue Feb 26 18:12:24 PST 2008] denise1965There are a few IP's and many GC over at AAS...you may find some comfort and information over there
[Tue Feb 26 18:12:47 PST 2008] HBthat's awesome - I can't imagine what a kind person you must be to do this because it takes a toll on you too
[Tue Feb 26 18:13:22 PST 2008] HBDid you know your IP's before contracting? I mean were you friends/family or met thru this?
[Tue Feb 26 18:13:50 PST 2008] HB(Is everyone else here just listening in?? smile _
[Tue Feb 26 18:14:09 PST 2008] jweatheryes:)
[Tue Feb 26 18:14:14 PST 2008] denise1965It has been difficult and stressful....but I know the joy and love having my 3 children have given me and feel like I need to give back a little
[Tue Feb 26 18:14:48 PST 2008] denise1965We matched through Melissa
[Tue Feb 26 18:14:55 PST 2008] HBjw - well jump in! smile
[Tue Feb 26 18:15:08 PST 2008] HBoic
[Tue Feb 26 18:15:20 PST 2008] jweatherim 39 and my wife is 45, and cannot havemore kids herself. I'm pressuring her to do 'something', but not sure what that is yet. Such and expense and such a heartache if it fails:(
[Tue Feb 26 18:15:46 PST 2008] HBI wish more people like you decided to do this. There are a lot of people like me who need the help without the worry
[Tue Feb 26 18:15:54 PST 2008] denise1965jw....you gotta stay positive no matter what
[Tue Feb 26 18:16:13 PST 2008] HBIt's a rough road, that's for sure
[Tue Feb 26 18:16:27 PST 2008] denise1965very, very rough
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[Tue Feb 26 18:17:19 PST 2008] HBAnd if you have been lucky enough to have a child previously you get even less support! (you said cannot have *more* kids j) Have you heard "just be grateful for what you have!!!" lately? I sure have
[Tue Feb 26 18:17:22 PST 2008] denise1965like I said there are quite a few GC over at AAS...they have a classified section as well
[Tue Feb 26 18:17:28 PST 2008] HBI am very lucky to have a son
[Tue Feb 26 18:18:10 PST 2008] HBand I'm very grateful every day - but, like most people, it deosnt' stop me from wanting more than one child! I'm no different than most people. Why do people think I'm not grateful enough if I want more than one child???
[Tue Feb 26 18:18:11 PST 2008] denise1965that doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to have more children to complete the family you dream of....how old is he
[Tue Feb 26 18:18:19 PST 2008] HBHe will be 3 in a week
[Tue Feb 26 18:18:43 PST 2008] denise19653 is soooooo precious....but then you already know that!!!! lol
[Tue Feb 26 18:18:54 PST 2008] HBI wanted 5 kids when I got married (12 years ago).
[Tue Feb 26 18:19:16 PST 2008] denise1965I am the oldest of 5.....5 is a lot!!!
[Tue Feb 26 18:19:18 PST 2008] HB6 years of fertility treatments and miscarriages to have my son & another 2+ years since
[Tue Feb 26 18:19:54 PST 2008] jweatherwow, long time. How old are ya now hb, if dont mind asking?
[Tue Feb 26 18:19:57 PST 2008] HBYes, it's a lot, but I always wanted a big family (maybe because Im an only child) And maybe that's why I so desperately want a sibling for him
[Tue Feb 26 18:20:08 PST 2008] HBgoing to be 38 in April
[Tue Feb 26 18:20:21 PST 2008] denise1965I've gotta go....promised to read w/ my little man.......I wish you every opportunity to reach your dreams!!!
[Tue Feb 26 18:20:25 PST 2008] jweatherperrfect age for it
[Tue Feb 26 18:20:29 PST 2008] HBbest of luck denise
[Tue Feb 26 18:20:52 PST 2008] denise1965Hey my b'day is in April too....the 3rd!!
[Tue Feb 26 18:21:01 PST 2008] HBI'm the 17th
[Tue Feb 26 18:21:04 PST 2008] HBsmile
[Tue Feb 26 18:21:26 PST 2008] denise1965Thanks the waiting is driving me a little nuts.....really want to get this show on the road!!
[Tue Feb 26 18:21:35 PST 2008] HBI'm sure, best of luck
[Tue Feb 26 18:22:09 PST 2008] denise1965Good night and good luck......head over to AAS for support and classifieds too!!
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[Tue Feb 26 18:23:47 PST 2008] HBgoodnight lurkers! And good luck to all of you.
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